I baked the BEST crumb cake last night :) I couldn’t decide on making more lemon bars, brownies, cupcakes, or crumb cake. I haven’t tried making crumb cake yet, so I picked that alternative. I find myself striving to try new things more lately, and I love it. There’s nothing like realizing you can and did do something new–without anyone’s assistance! However, I find myself addicted to this rewarding feeling.
I am stressing out because I trying to put my ALL into this quarter… and it’s finally ending in two weeks. I guess I haven’t put my “all” in to it, but I’ve probably put as close to my “all” as I have throughout the entirety of my student career. I know I feel like shit from all of the stress, but that’s temporary. I feel GREAT that I have put so much of myself into it and that I am trying so hard to do better.
I never tried very hard at school because I already did well… In high school I was the type of student that never did many assignments–I would do a few, you know… :) but when it came to the projects, essays, and exams I would do really well and that’s how I would get by. Then I realized I don’t want to live life half-assed so I tried to shape up.
I have so many great insights about myself and my friends… but when it comes to myself, that is all they really are. Just insights. I don’t think I ever try to change anything about them. When I do realize I have to change a part of myself to be the way I want to be… if it takes too much effort I usually forget about it or dismiss it. I know I have to do it, but I can’t. That is going to change. I am going to follow through with all of my efforts now. I started to do so around Christmas, and I feel so rejuvenated. I feel like I have finally been able to get that gasp of fresh air after being submerged for so long.
It’s a burst of light, a burst of energy and motivation, as well as a burst of innocence all brought back into my life.
I watched Good Will Hunting this evening… I love that movie, I relate so much with Will (Matt Damon)… I think I really needed to watch this movie again. I hadn’t seen in the movie in far too long, it was long overdue.
On another note… I found an old, almost empty bottle of perfume in one of my old purses. I sprayed some on before class–there are probably only a few more sprays left in that bottle, but I bought more (haha!) for when the time comes that it should run out.
It’s amazing how strong a scent is. As I sat down in class, the scent wrapped around me and I felt oddly euphoric and reminiscent. I realized this was the perfume I spent the majority of my last summer in. I got worried that it may bring back how summer is gone and not with me anymore, and the last thing I need in class is to feel sorrow… but instead the scent took me straight to those days, and those days only. It made me feel like falling in love all over again…