lifted.

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As I was laying in bed, I thought about you.

I thought about you in this sort of insatiably frustrated and confused way.

After a good while I realized I am no better than the rest of those girls that, despite all other opportunities, seek after those that, simply put, just don’t work–don’t match our personas, the relationships that constantly hurt us. At the same time, I came to an epiphany: you aren’t any better than the other guys. Why did I keep you up on a pedestal? Why was I kept prisoner of this stupid scenario of a silly dream? I finally realized that you aren’t anywhere close to being “the one” in my life.

“The One” in my life wouldn’t continue to put me down to a point where I couldn’t say anything back. “The One” wouldn’t fram me as a horrible monster. “The One” would love me and take me as I am.

You know, every single time we argued, it featured you bashing on me while I defended myself and apologized. What kind of backwards love is that? And to think… not once had I ever argued with you on all of your many faults–not even once. Why? I was weak, and I had this crazy idea that you wouldn’t take me if I criticized you. I don’t know why I let you do that to me, but you know what, now I’m stronger.

I’m happy I realized you aren’t worth my time. The experience, however, was worth it and I will cherish it. I wouldn’t want to learn this lesson twice, so I’ll keep it.

But… to think that you… had me… for this long: sickening. Maybe even gross.

However, I’ve got to hand it to you. You really did have a good hold on me. Until now :)

I think I’m finally free.

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